People consistently underestimate how much their conversation partners liked them. The gap showed up with strangers and persisted among dorm-mates over months.
How it was done
Multiple studies — strangers paired in a lab, dorm-mates followed across an academic year, and adults in workshops — comparing how much people thought they were liked with how much they were.
What it means
The durability is the surprise. A first-meeting misjudgement would be unremarkable; one that survives living alongside someone for months is a stable distortion rather than a settling-in effect.
One likely reason is asymmetric access: you hear your own self-criticism during a conversation and see none of theirs.
Combined with the reaching-out and gratitude findings, the picture is consistent — people run a pessimistic model of how they land on others.
