Intimacy is operationally defined as feeling understood, validated and cared for. Perceived partner responsiveness predicts the behaviours that keep relationships going: gratitude, forgiveness, support, constructive handling of conflict.
How it was done
A theoretical framework built on the Reis and Shaver intimacy process model, supported by a large body of subsequent relationship research.
What it means
The word doing the work is perceived. What moves a relationship is not what you did but what the other person registered — which means effort that stays invisible does very little.
A meta-analysis of relationship maintenance found the same moderator from another angle: the correlation with relationship quality was stronger for perceptions of a partner’s maintenance than for one’s own reported enactment of it.
Referencing something specific a person told you is one of the few reliable ways to make attention legible. It is difficult to fake and it cannot be produced without having listened.
