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How often should you see your friends?

Seeing friends or family less than once a month went with a higher risk of early death

Foster et al. (2023) · BMC Medicine

458,146 people in UK Biobank, 12.6-year median follow-up. Association, not causation.

How often friends or family visited had the largest association of the five. People who were never visited had a 39% higher risk of dying over the follow-up than those visited daily; visits once every three months carried 11%. Below monthly the risk climbed; at monthly or more it flattened, which the authors read as a threshold. Living alone added 25%, no weekly group activity 13%, and often feeling lonely 6%.

How it was done

458,146 people in UK Biobank, followed for a median of 12.6 years and linked to death registers. Five measures of social connection were taken at the start: how often they could confide in someone, whether they often felt lonely, how often friends or family visited, whether they did a weekly group activity, and whether they lived alone. Each was tested against all-cause mortality with the others held constant.

What it means

The shape matters more than the numbers. This is not a dose curve where every extra visit buys a little more; it is a floor. Once contact was at least monthly, more of it made little further difference in this data. That is a more forgiving finding than it first sounds: the line is not daily, or weekly. It is once a month.

It also separates the parts of social connection that are usually lumped together. Feeling lonely carried the smallest association here; actually being visited carried the largest. The 2023 Nature Human Behaviour meta-analysis found the same ordering across 90 cohorts: isolation predicted mortality more strongly than loneliness did.

The combinations are the sharpest part of the paper. Never being visited while also living alone carried a 77% higher risk, against 19% for daily visits while living alone. Living alone is survivable; living alone and unvisited is what the association is really about.

Rain beading on a window with lights blurred behind it.
Abdulvahap Demir / Pexels

What it doesn’t show

UK Biobank had a 5.5% response rate and is healthier, wealthier and less diverse than the population it was drawn from, so the absolute risks do not transfer. The measures are crude self-reports taken once, at the start, and people who are already unwell receive fewer visits, which this design cannot untangle. It is an association in one cohort, not a prescription.

What Kept does about it

Kept’s gap nudges already work on the user’s own answer to “how often would feel right”, and this finding did not move that. We deliberately did not turn it into a default of one contact a month, or a health line next to anyone’s name: a monthly quota is a score, and the research on measuring relationships says that damages them. It sits here as context and in onboarding as a finding with its source.

Read the source

Foster et al. (2023) — BMC Medicine ↗

Confidence: B — a single strong peer-reviewed study, or a consistent multi-study literature. We don’t publish anything weaker than this.

Related

Kept is what we built from this.

A private voice journal for the people closest to you. Nine seconds of talking after you see someone, and the detail comes back before it matters.